The best thing about the Obama Presidency is that he’ll be out of office SOON.
One thing I am going to miss is mocking the man. Here are the seven best Obama jokes we’ve found to celebrate his last year in office:
1. The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
– P. J. O’Rourke
2. The most impressive result of the “Cash for Clunkers” program was that it took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
– David Letterman
3. If I had to fault President Obama, I would say that sometimes he governs like a visitor from a morally superior civilization.
– David Brooks
4. “Feel Better”
How to begin each new day feeling happy and positive:
1. On your computer screen, open a new folder.
2. Give it the name “Barack Obama.”
3. Move it directly to the trash.
4. Select “Empty trash.”
5. Your computer will ask you if you really want to get rid of Barack Obama.
6. Answer “Yes” loudly, then firmly click the mouse.
7. There now, doesn’t that feel better?
5. “Out Golfing One Day”
A middle aged woman was teeing off for a round of golf when she toppled over after swinging too hard.
The foursome waiting on the tee happened to include President Obama.
Reacting quickly, Obama adroitly ran to the woman and helped her up.
She thanked him and began to re-tee her ball, when Obama said, “By the way, I’m Barack Obama and I sure hope you voted for me.”
She smiled and replied, “I fell on my butt, not on my head.”
6. “Your Majesty”
Barack Obama lands aboard Air Force One at Heathrow, and deplanes to a long red carpet. He walks to where Queen Elizabeth II is waiting to welcome him with much pomp and circumstance.
They are ushered into a new silver Rolls Royce, then chauffered to Buckingham Palace.
After tea, they climb aboard an open-topped, perfectly restored antique coach drawn by four stunningly beautiful white horses. As they roll leisurely to Westminster Abbey, they wave to masses of cheering Brits packing the city streets.
Then all of a sudden the left rear horse uncorks a blast of flatulence that resonates and fouls the air for city blocks. It splits eardrums and shakes the coach. The stench is so horrible it’s hard to keep from gagging.
The two leaders of the western world, however, having just met each other, somehow manage to act like nothing has happened.
Finally, the Queen feels embarrassed to the point she feels she needs to say something.
“Mr. President,” she says, “On behalf of myself and my countrymen, I apologize for what just happened. As I’m sure you know, there are many things even a Queen can’t completely control.”
Barack Obama, trying to respond in the most dignified manner possible, says, “Your Majesty, don’t think twice about it. Honestly, if you hadn’t mentioned it, I’d have assumed it was one of the horses.”
7. “Dramatic Rescue”
The Pope was visiting churches in Florida and asked his driver to detour along the famous Palm Beach so he could view the beautiful scenery. His driver suddenly stopped the Popemobile when they spotted an amazing sight right off shore.
Incredibly, Barack Obama was fighting like a madman to escape the jaws of a very large white shark.
As they sat stunned and horrified, a high-powered fishing cruiser sped to the scene with two men aboard. One of the men was Karl Rove, who alertly harpooned the fearsome beast, as John Boehner dragged the barely conscious and bleeding Barack Obama out of the ocean. Then the two republicans hammered the shark to death with clubs, and hauled it aboard.
Passionately moved, the Pope waved for the heroes to come to the beach, whereupon he blessed them.
“I am always moved to tears when I witness tremendous acts of valor, especially when it overcomes bitter hatred, in this case between Barack Obama and Republicans.”
As the Pope drove off, Boehner asked Rove who the guy in the funny suit was.
“That’s the Pope,” Rove replied. “Catholics believe he is the wisest and holiest man.”
“Well,” Boehner chuckled, “he may be a wise man, but he sure doesn’t know jack about shark fishin’. How’s our bait doing?”
Now watch this:
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