Sometimes, an answer is better than no answer at all. When these students didn’t know the answer to a question, they substituted their lack of knowledge with a little bit of humor.
A thread on Reddit asked “Teachers and/or College Board Graders, “What is the funniest response you got on a test when the student didn’t know the answer?” Here are the twenty best answers:
1. Question: Describe the chemical difference between H2O and CO2. Answer: H2O is hot water, because the H stands for “hot”. CO2 is cold water, because the C stands for “cold”.
2. A friend of mine is a high school English teacher, and once assigned his students a persuasive essay; take a stand on an issue and write an essay supporting that stand, citing specific evidence. One student chose to do his on “Stone Cold Steve Austin is The Best Wrestler Who Ever Lived.”
Now, that’s a dubious topic, but one could see how you could still attempt to write a good essay on it, citing his wild popularity, impact on the “sport”, etc. Nope, this kid just basically just spent a few pages rehashing his catchphrases (“If anyone tries to mess with Stone Cold, he’ll whoop their ass!”).
The best though, was the last line of the essay, which just closed with “Stone Cold Steve Austin is the best goddamn wrestler who ever lived. Cuz Stone Cold said so!”
3. Our French teacher loved our class but we goofed/slacked too much. On one of my French quizzes, the teacher was angry because someone put the French word for ‘grass’ as ‘le grass’.
4. I had a fellow classmate turn in a paper in Spanish class. He was a well known moron.
Teacher: “John, please come to the front of the classroom. John, did you write this paper?”
John: “Yes, Senorita Lopez.”
Teacher: “John, are you sure you didn’t use a translator on the internet or something?”
John: “Yes, Senorita Lopez.”
Teacher: “John, this is in French.”
5. A student was given a test that included a picture of a stalk of celery in a jar of water. The point was to discuss that water flows up the stalk to the leaves, blah blah blah. One student said “I don’t know, I did not learn about celery.”
6. Science teacher here,
Q: if the highest elevation on a map is 1050 ft and the lowest elevation is 515 ft, what is the relief?
A: That we don’t have to do maps anymore.
On the fossils quiz, I asked everyone to draw a dinosaur for extra credit (and for my own amusement). One student wrote, “Dinosaurs don’t exist. They were put here by Satan to trick us.”
Then he drew a picture of Satan.
7. Q: Describe how glaciers were involved in the formation of the Great Lakes.
A: glaciers were involved with the Great Lakes by forming them.
8. 8th grade free-response question: Explain how the United States acquired the Louisiana Purchase.
My answer: The United States purchased Louisiana.
I received full credit.
9. In my 8th grade social studies class, the teacher off-handedly mentioned “Necessity is the mother of invention”
On the test, one question was “_________ is the mother of _________.”
My classmate wrote “Mary is the mother of Jesus.” We were all really upset that he didn’t get credit.
10. I had one ESL student who couldn’t quite get the hang of changing singular nouns into plurals.
“I have a pen” got him full marks on the unit test. “I have two penis” did not.
11. We were asked to write an emotional poem for Creative Writing class. I didn’t do the assignment and did something at lunch before class. I wrote
“This poem is a metaphor for my life….
(entire blank page)
Full credit, she loved it.
12. The student knew the answer, just didn’t know how to spell it.
I taught history and showed a video clip of Ronald Reagan’s famous “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” In a later quiz, I asked students to write down this quote with my favorite response starting “Mr. Gooberchuck…”
13. I was helping a teacher grade back in high school, and I was grading a kid’s Geometry quiz. The question was a two column proof and it asked him to prove that one side was congruent to another based off of two triangles being congruent (had to prove the two triangles were congruent first). This was his whole answer:
Triangle ABC is congruent to Triangle BCD because they kinda look the same
Side AB = Side DB because they’re both three eraser-lengths long
14. I was marking a final year engineering test (TA not lecturer) and instead of answering the last question some guy drew an incredibly detailed portrait of himself serving fries at a McDonald’s with the caption, “Me if I fail this”.
15. I graded AP exams this summer. For one essay question, I got an awesome barbecue sauce recipe from a kid in Tennessee. I’ve made it a couple times, and it’s excellent.
1 medium onion
1 tsp paprika (use more if you like)
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp mustard
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
6 tbsp ketchup
- Sweat onion on med-high heat
- Stir in vinegar, paprika, mustard, and Worcestershire sauce
- Add ketchup, and cook down to desired consistency.
16. College-level physics exam asked for a brief description of Maxwell’s theory. The instructor shamed a student by reading aloud his answer: “Good to the last drop.”
17. Not a teacher but I remember my friends answer in a Chemistry exam at school.
“Suggest a name for hydrocarbon B”
18. Class: Environmental law
Question: What is NPDES?
Student’s answer: An acronym.
19. Essay prompt: write an essay on something that isn’t an art, but treat it like an art. Should take one page. Ex: The Art of Tying Your Shoes.
His essay: The Art of Writing a Short Essay. “The Art of writing a very short essay is quite simple, use this as an example.”
Teacher’s response: “I don’t know if this is brilliant or lazy.”
20. My first year teaching 9th grade English I had my students write an essay that was basically an analysis of a novel they chose.
One kid handed in an essay that was very obviously plagiarized, and the formatting looked familiar. I looked the book up on Wikipedia, and sure enough, he had just copied and pasted the first couple sections verbatim from the entry for Goodbye Mr. Chips.
I wrote “100” really big on the top of the page, and then wrote a bunch of stuff on the bottom of the page about how mature his analysis was and how hard he must have worked. I wrote “turn over” at the bottom of the page, and on the back of the paper I wrote “JUST KIDDING” really big, with an explanation of why his grade was actually a zero.
When I handed the essays back this kid got so excited that he had gotten such a good grade and fooled his dumb-shit teacher that he didn’t read the back and handed it to a friend to show off. I knew his friend took the time to read the back when I heard “You’re a freakin idiot!” from across the room.
Think you’ll ever use any of these? Let us know which was your favorite and share this post on Facebook and Twitter!