It is with great pomp and circumstance that we announce our second annual Headline Politics Democrat Turkey Awards (DTAs) – in which we reward those outstanding Democrats who failed in spectacular fashion. Whether it be on political topics such as foreign policy or simply trying their best to work an exercise band, these Democrats are the ultimate turkeys for 2015.
Before we go any further, however, we’re excited to announce that this year’s recipients will get a brand new trophy design. Last year, we had this 14-karat beauty won by Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and all liberals who get their news from Jon Stewart.
This year, we’re pleased to reveal the brand new DTA trophy design … Drum roll please.
Bam! Of course, all recipients don’t actually receive a physical trophy, just a picture of one. More specifically, the pictures above. Hey, we operate on a shoestring budget.
That said, all winners will receive a non-personal thank you and a free one-year membership to our website. Which of course, is already free. But, it’s not about the monetary value, rather the prestige that goes along with winning such an award.
So without further ado … The 2015 DTAs go to:
Reid is Headline Politics first back-to-back winner of the DTA. Last year, the Nevada Senator won for his contributions that led to massive Democrat losses at the ballot box in 2014. This year, the distinction is slightly more dubious – Reid wins on the strength of his unsuccessful death match with an exercise band. Reid not only suffered multiple injuries to his face and ribs, but was rendered unable to have sex with his wife. We sincerely apologize for that visual, and hope you aren’t reading this over Thanksgiving dinner.
Not all of them are lost causes, but a good portion of those stuck in liberal academia are indeed turkeys. Prior to other world events taking over headlines earlier this month, college kids on multiple campuses were protesting their right to a ‘safe space,’ free from the scourge of offensive words. Whiny, spoiled brats on campuses such as Ithaca College and Mizzou, were frightened and offended over the concept of a first amendment right to free speech, leading Fox News Greg Gutfeld to declare they needed a ‘giant pair of pampers.’ Biodegradable, eco-friendly pampers, of course.
The student becomes the master, as top aide Huma Abedin follows up her boss’s DTA with one of her own this year. Abedin was called out by Donald Trump for having classified emails which she may have shared with her sexually deviant husband, Anthony Weiner. But what really put Abedin over the top were a pair of email conversations that solidified her status as a turkey.
First, this string in which she desperately tries to walk her boss through the complexities of a fax machine:
— Obamaroid Ointment (@Obama_Ointment) July 1, 2015
And this one, where she explains, as is evident from the conversation above, that Hillary Clinton is “often confused.”
After that little tidbit, Abedin might be the first turkey to be sent directly to the dog house. Barack Obama Along with Harry Reid, another two-time winner of the coveted Headline Politics DTA. Obama gets his claim to glory from a rather serious topic, however. In a nationally televised interview, the President claimed that his ISIS strategy had ‘contained’ the terror group. Within hours, ISIS conducted the deadliest attack in Paris since World War II.
Despite being universally humiliated for claiming he had the group contained and then proven otherwise, Obama maintained that his strategy was working and said he would not change course.
What makes Obama’s award so unique this year is that his ISIS strategy, overall foreign policy, and comments showing his incompetence, not only earn him the label of turkey, but prove he is also a world-class jackass.
We hope you enjoyed the Headline Politics Democrat Turkey Awards (DTAs). Remember, even though all winners have to live with the shame of embarrassing their own party, they still get to go home with a completely fake golden turkey award. Something to tell the grand kids about someday.
Congratulations to all our winners! Here’s hoping Democrats will continue to work hard letting Americans know how completely incompetent they are, just by being themselves.